I always had a strong trust
by JaySea
Summary: Duo comes to a realization. Duo's POV. 2x4. please R&R.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the mentioned characters, Bandai does. etcetc etc, this is only for fun, etc etc

Author's note: I know, this is not very good, I'm just getting back into the ff.n scene and I wrote this a long time ago. Decided to post it! 2x4!

I always had a strong trust in god.

Always.

I always felt like I had a bond with church and the heavenly father. I always believed God would get us through anything. That God made life worth living. That God gave us the chance to live in the first place. That God decided when it was our time to leave this beautiful Earth.

It wasn't until now that I see the foolishness in my beliefs.

If God could take someone as innocent, as sweet as caring and as wonderful as my Quatre and make him suffer so badly for nothing, then there had to be some flaws in my religious beliefs.

I guess it wouldn't bother me as much if he had just died. But no, he suffered for such a long time until his body finally couldn't handle it anymore.

And the worst part: I wasn't there for him when he took his last breaths; was gone when he needed me the most.

There are no words existing in the entire universe that could possible come close to describing my love for him.

Quatre was my only boyfriend.

My first and my last.

The love of my life.

He'd have done anything for me, and vice versa. I depended on him for everything, as he did me. I always loved how he'd smile at me and tell me I looked cuter without my hair braided. I never listened to him, though. Now, looking back, I wish I had.

He was so young. My sixteen year old Quatre was only a baby. But someone had to shoot him. Take out their loaded gun and pull the trigger. They all thought he'd be okay at first, and I was there next to him when he woke up, and I cried to him, and I told him of how much I loved him. And he told me it was all okay. He spent two weeks in that hospital bed, suffering, but being told by the experts (doctors) that he'd live.

And then he finally was able to come home, and I spent every waking moment with him, and held him in my arms protectively at night. I took care of him more than he wanted me to. But I didn't care, I was allowed to worry.

Then, one day I left the house for the first time in so long. I was only out for five minutes, grabbing a new gallon of milk from the store up the street.

And when I returned, I was too late. Quatre was on the floor. No pulse, no breathing, no movement. He was dead. My baby boy was dead. I found out later that there was internal bleeding. When I saw him on the floor, I dropped the milk, which broke and spilled at the front door, and ran to his side, cradling him, and crying.

I was so dependant on him. And I find it hard to breathe, now that he's gone forever.

Forever….such a strong word.

He used to tell me he'd be with me forever.

And even though I know it wasn't his fault, it all turned out to be a lie.

I'll never be able to hear my angel call me 'Honey' again, or 'Dear' or even just say my name.

His gorgeous voice will never whisper promises of love again.

His beautiful eyes will never sparkle with happiness or gaze at me ever again.

His perfect face will never again hold his many expressions of anger, sadness or cheer.

His strong arms will never wrap around me again.

And I guess the hardest thing to accept is the fact that I have no comfort anymore. He isn't here anymore to cheer me up. He isn't here anymore to tell me it's okay, or hold me while I cry.

And I didn't have a reason to cry before. Until now. And now that I do cry, I have no one here to hold me, or hush me or sing me a lullaby. And not even Quatre can stop my tears, for it is he who caused them.

I haven't eaten since I saw him that day—lying in his coffin (soft pink, just like he would have wanted).

I could have sworn I heard his sweet voice the other day, singing to me.

But, no one listens to me anymore.

Not me, not Crazy Duo.

I wanted to die when the reality first struck me that I'd never see my Kat again.

I attempted of course, to kill myself.

And that's why I'm here in the first place, that's why no one takes me seriously anymore, that's why I'm alone.

"I'm not crazy" I say aloud.

"Of course you're not." The nurse tells me as she undoes my straight jacket so I could go see my visitor.

I wanted to argue that she didn't believe that but didn't. I walked out to the main room, and saw Trowa there, staring at me. I hadn't seen Trowa in about 4 years, but I knew it was him. That bastard never came to visit me or Quatre, he never even came to the funeral, he wasn't there for me. But, I didn't care, it had been so long since I'd seen a familiar face.

I hugged him and he hugged back. "I'm so sorry Duo."

"About what?" I asked, pulling back.

"About Quatre…" He said hesitantly.

"I'm over it." The words escaped my mouth involuntarily, and I knew they were a lie.

"He loves you." Trowa said, his voice was so much more hoarse then I remember

"I love him too."

"I'm sorry…" He said again.

"Stop apologizing." I tell him.

"No, you don't understand." Trowa started, laying a hand on my shoulder. "I killed Quatre."

"What!?" I jumped , screaming, and clawing at him.

"Duo? Honey?" Quatre's voice entered my ears.

I opened my eyes. I was on the floor, and Quatre was staring down at me concerned.

It was all a dream. A nightmare.

"You alright?" He asked, helping me up.

"I guess, why?" I ask sitting on my bed, and rubbing the back of my now throbbing head.

"I heard you screaming in your sleep, and then you fell off the bed. Are you sure you're okay?" His voice was like music to my ears.

My dream had seemed so real; I missed him so much. I just hugged him tight, and kissed him tenderly.

"Mmm, what was that for?" Quatre asked smiling.

"I had the worst dream, Kat. I'm just glad you're okay." I hugged him again.

"Wow, if this is what it takes to get some Duo-loving, then maybe you should have nightmares more often."

I laughed as I felt a few tears of happiness flow into his sweet-cologne-smelling shirt.

"I love you, Bunny." Quatre always used that nickname, and usually, It bothered me a little, but not today.

"I love you too, my Quatre."

I knew that from this day forward, I would never let my baby go again. He'd never leave my sight. I loved him too much to risk loosing him.


End file.
